Allocate!
My mind was all over something this morning. All I can think of was that something when I was doing nothing at all. I know it drives me crazy sometimes, and it feels like killing me inside and there's nothing I can do to make it go away. So the only thing I can do to allocate my mind, is to make myself busy. Just do anything. Watch TV, play games, play the piano, read something, eat, anything. So that's taken care of for the mean time. Then, I remember something came up in the middle of the day, but I forgot what it was about.
And finally, after I finished teaching tonight, went to the mini-market to buy something, and there it was. The radio. I listened to it just as I walked to the cash register. I thought for a while. I think I knew it. Then I tried to listen more, and after some lines passed, I'm very much concern I knew it. This is crazy, I can't believe myself I finally hear it. I asked the cash register person, what channel was that and she said she didn't know and her friend beside her also didn't know. So after I'm done there, I rushed to the car and started searching for that radio channel. Gosh I'm driving myself crazy over that radio. Thank God I found it and I can hear that voice, and it's still the same. No difference. It caught me in the freeze time for thinking about it for a few seconds, and it all had passed, and gone. And in times like this, I knew this is a test to my self strength. I don't know who to talk with, and I just keep it to myself, and keep allocating my mind from that something.
I knew, I can be out of that something in 3 months without any interference of that something refreshing my mind. Oh please. I can't handle it if that happens. So I keep telling myself: be patient yenyen, it's only 3 months. Even though sometimes it makes you feel so uneasy, like you feel like you wanna scream and let everyone know about it. Well, I know there's nothing I can do about it. I'll just go through it, like everybody does.
And finally, after I finished teaching tonight, went to the mini-market to buy something, and there it was. The radio. I listened to it just as I walked to the cash register. I thought for a while. I think I knew it. Then I tried to listen more, and after some lines passed, I'm very much concern I knew it. This is crazy, I can't believe myself I finally hear it. I asked the cash register person, what channel was that and she said she didn't know and her friend beside her also didn't know. So after I'm done there, I rushed to the car and started searching for that radio channel. Gosh I'm driving myself crazy over that radio. Thank God I found it and I can hear that voice, and it's still the same. No difference. It caught me in the freeze time for thinking about it for a few seconds, and it all had passed, and gone. And in times like this, I knew this is a test to my self strength. I don't know who to talk with, and I just keep it to myself, and keep allocating my mind from that something.
I knew, I can be out of that something in 3 months without any interference of that something refreshing my mind. Oh please. I can't handle it if that happens. So I keep telling myself: be patient yenyen, it's only 3 months. Even though sometimes it makes you feel so uneasy, like you feel like you wanna scream and let everyone know about it. Well, I know there's nothing I can do about it. I'll just go through it, like everybody does.
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